


Walk Forward, Don't Look Back

by teslatempest



Category: Naruto
Genre: And no cheating either, Character Study (kind of?), F/F, F/M, Gen, Introspection, M/M, Wanderlust, interpersonal relationships are hard, there are a bunch of relationships but that's not the main focus on the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 04:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11097330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teslatempest/pseuds/teslatempest
Summary: After the war, Sakura is exhausted.She decides to make a change.





	Walk Forward, Don't Look Back

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with this idea because I noticed that there are a lot of fics in which Naruto and Sasuke get life-changing field trips, and I wondered why Sakura didn't have one. Combined with stress from preparing for a major exam, I wrote this up. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Sakura realized it as she splashed water on her face after a 12-hour shift at the hospital.

 

She was exhausted.

 

Not just tired. Not just ‘oh I’ll eat and sleep and I’ll feel better.’ She is bone-weary, breaking-down, I-want-to-curl-up-into-a-little-ball-and-not-wake-up exhausted.

 

She caught herself on the edge of the sink, realizing how heavy and tight her shoulders feel. The past few weeks had been even harder than usual, and she hadn’t been able to put her finger on it. But between the whispers of following in Tsunade’s footsteps (“keep an eye on her, she’ll be the next head of the hospital!”), of when she’ll take the Jounin exam (“Naruto made jounin a couple of months ago, Sakura won’t be far behind!”), and the next time she’ll yell at Kakashi for missing his check-ups (“the Hokage had better watch his step, because she won’t give him leeway there!)”, she’s sick of everyone predicting where her life will go.

 

And that doesn’t even get into the _mess_ that is currently the situation with Sasuke, because apparently now that he was back and a loyal(ish) Konoha-nin, and he was showing interest in her, everyone was watching to see when she would start gushing and squealing over him again.

 

As though she hadn’t been just as hurt by his betrayals. As though she hadn’t been burned chasing him in the past.

 

As though he had offered even the smallest hint of an apology to her for anything.

 

(Hell, she’d had panic attacks for weeks after he had left her _unconscious on a public park bench right after an invasion_. No matter how she had brushed it off, her brain had gotten very good at coming up with scenarios of what could have happened if the wrong person had found her.)

 

She looked up in the mirror. She had bags under her eyes that she could hide kunai in, and her hair was falling out of a once-neat braid. There were lines around her eyes ( _when had that happened?_ ) and she was frowning.

 

What did it say that, as far as she could remember, it had been at least two years since the last time she had laughed? Really laughed, not ‘oh-thank-kami-we-survived-another-death-trap,’ which had been more common during the war than she wanted to remember?

 

When was the last time she had done anything that was hers, and not just chasing after someone stronger or faster?

 

With effort, she pushed herself up so that she wasn’t at risk for breaking the sink, and made herself walk to change out of her scrubs.

 

Back in her normal clothes, bundled in her heaviest coat, she walked out of the hospital, and looked up. The winter had been bitterly cold in Konoha this year, and the air felt like glass, sharp and clear against a shallow blue sky.

 

When had the world started feeling so small? She had always wanted to be the best, the pretty one, the smart one, the strong one. She was all of those now, but it felt like a weight around her neck.

 

People looked at her, and nobody seemed to think she might be unhappy. This week alone, she had been vomited on twice, kicked four times in the ribs, had three patients code on the table in the middle of surgery, been bitten by a six-year-old brat who had been in for a check-up, been hit on by a man twenty years older than her right before his prostate exam, and had been called more curse words than she cared to remember.

 

And that was only during work. At night, her dreams turned to nightmares with depressing regularity. Blood and screams and monsters in human skin, and she usually woke up shaking after a couple of hours, her pajamas stuck to her skin. In her waking hours, loud sounds and voices and shouts still made her tense up, made her check that she had her weapons and catalogue the nearest exits.

 

Konoha was her whole world, and it was choking her.  

 

_Well_ , Inner piped up slyly, _who says Konoha is the whole world?_

 

Sakura paused. Turned that thought over in her mind as she walked home. She didn't want to make any rash decisions, but...it was something worth considering.

 

(It doesn’t take her very long to make a decision.)

~

 

Kakashi read over her request as she stood in front of the desk. She felt like she should be fidgeting, or nervous, but she couldn’t summon up more than an apathetic twinge or two.

 

She was just...tired.

 

Kakashi finished reading and looked up, clearly frowning even under the mask. “An extended leave of absence from Konoha?”

 

Sakura shrugged. “We’re not at war, and Tsunade-sama’s done a good job revitalizing the medic program. If you need to justify it to the Council, I’m happy to send updates about other countries like what Jiraiya did.”

 

“That’s not the problem,” Kakashi stated, leaning forward and removing his hat so that it wasn’t shading his eye. “Why do you want to go? Is that one Chunin bothering you again?”

 

“No, he’s been really nice since I told him I didn’t want to start dating anyone,” she reassured Kakashi, managing a small smile as she sat down. She wrapped her arms around herself as she gathered her thoughts. “I’m just feeling a little lost, Sensei. With the war and the recovery and everything else, I just want to get out of Konoha for a little while, get my head straight.” She smiled again, and it almost felt real. “I’m planning on coming back, I just...need a change.”

 

Really, she doesn’t want to abandon Konoha. She saw what that did to Tsunade, and Jiraiya, and Orochimaru. She doesn’t want that.

 

But right now, she can’t stay, either.

 

Kakashi watched her carefully. Sakura wondered what he saw. He had never gotten better with handling or dealing with emotions, but he had always known Team Seven.

 

Better than anyone, he knew what it was like to drown under everyone else’s expectations.

 

He gives a small nod, then begins writing on a clean sheet of paper. “Konoha has needed a new set of eyes in the field to see the new changes in the Elemental Nations now that the war recovery has gotten underway. Nothing too time-sensitive, lots of time to get lost on the road of life.” He finished it and scrawled his signature at the bottom before sticking it on his ‘finished’ pile, and looked her in the eye again. “Just try not to get too lost, alright?”

 

Sakura smiled, broad and relieved. “I’ll try, Sensei.”

~

 

Kakashi had technically given her a week to get ready, but it only took her a few hours. All of her work was in her office at the hospital, she had given up trying to keep her plants alive weeks ago, and the only food in her refrigerator was half a gallon of yogurt and a mostly-empty pickle jar.

 

She went to the hospital one last time to speak with Tsunade. The older woman crossed her arms when Sakura told her about her ‘assignment’, but her eyes were understanding. When Sakura was finished, the Sannin got up from her seat, walked around the desk, and pulled Sakura into a tight hug.

 

“Don’t forget about the people here. That was my mistake,” was all she said.

 

Sakura squeezed back tightly, unable to speak at the relief that someone _understood_ and didn’t hate her for it.  

 

(Tsunade never expected Sakura to be just like her.)

 

She went back to her apartment, set up a pay-system with her landlord, and packed some clothes and supplies into storage scrolls and her bag. She wasn’t sure how long she would be gone, but she didn’t want to be caught unprepared.

 

After all, she is still a shinobi.

 

As she finished packing, she felt a familiar chakra signature outside. It made her hesitate before placing the last shirt in her bag. She looped the bag over her shoulder, grabbed her key, and stepped outside.

 

Naruto was leaning against the railing of the stairs that lead up to her level. His arms were crossed, his face blank. She took a moment to look at him, the image of a perfect shinobi, barring the orange zippers on his pants. Jounin jacket, hair cut short, managing to look completely relaxed even when he was a second away from springing into action.

 

It hurt, in a strange way. Even a few months ago, Naruto would have been banging on her door, demanding to know what was going on. Loud, exuberant, stubborn Naruto, with a laugh that could be heard a block away and a smile that could light up the night sky.

 

She hadn’t seen that in awhile either.

 

Now, he looked serious more often than not, and his smiles were forced. He was paler from spending more time doing paperwork than running in the sunlight, and his shoulders slumped as though pressed down by a heavy weight.

 

(Intellectually, she knows that they survived a war, that Naruto is seriously considering joining ANBU, and that they’re growing up. Everything they’ve been through has had an effect. Naruto wants to be Hokage one day, and he’s willing to work towards that goal, do whatever he has to so that he can get that position, all to protect the people precious to him. She gets it.  

 

Knowing all of that intellectually doesn’t stop her from feeling uncharitable towards Hinata. She likes the Hyuuga woman, but Naruto didn’t really start changing until they began dating more seriously. Not Hinata’s fault, but Sakura wonders how good of an idea it was to jump into a serious relationship right after a war.)

 

She turned and locked her apartment door before looking back at her teammate. Naruto managed a crooked smile. “Kakashi-sensei hinted about meeting you.”

 

Sakura couldn’t stop a small smile of her own. She wasn’t surprised that Kakashi had predicted her movements so easily.

 

The smile faded as Naruto’s eyes filled with worry. He pushed himself to stand upright, hands in his pockets. “What’s so important about this mission? You always say goodbye before you leave.”

 

Sakura winced despite herself, reaching up to rub the back of her head. It wasn’t that she hadn’t _wanted_ to say goodbye, but she had just wanted to go, to get out as soon as possible.

 

But Naruto had his own scars of being left behind, and of being rejected, and she didn’t need to stomp on his scars while trying to fix her own.

 

She sighed and let her hands fall to her sides. “I asked for the mission, Naruto.”

 

Blue eyes blinked, looking utterly confused. “But you don’t know how long you’ll be gone! What about the hospital?”

 

“There’s five medics ready to graduate to independent work and another ten who are able to assist. Tsunade-sama has plenty of help,” Sakura explained, folding her arms over her chest as she looked away. “I just...I need to get out of Konoha for awhile.”

 

“Is it Teme’s fault?” he asked after a moment, his voice quiet.

 

Judging from the look on Naruto’s face, he was remembering the disastrous dinner a couple of weeks ago when Naruto had tried to reunite Team Seven for ramen and it had ended with Sakura breaking one of Sasuke’s wrists.

 

Sakura felt a hint of sympathy for Naruto. He was so happy to have his team back together, but didn’t seem to know what to do when they weren’t getting along. She hadn’t meant to stress him out.

 

“No, it’s not Sasuke. It’s just kind of...everything,” she admitted. She flicked a few strands of hair out of her face as she looked out over the road. “I’m tired, Naruto. I just want some time to clear my head.”

 

“You’ll be back, right?”

 

Sakura hesitated. She didn’t want to lie, but…

 

“I want to come back.”

 

Not a guarantee. Not even a promise. But Naruto’s shoulders slumped slightly in relief, a faint, sad smile on his lips. “We’ll miss you.”

 

“Until your annual appointment comes up.”

 

He actually chuckled at that, bouncing up on his toes slightly. “Can I at least walk you to the gate?”

 

Sakura nodded, readjusting the strap on her bag. For the fifteen minute walk, Naruto regaled her with tales of the last time he went to the Crooked Kunai with Chouji, Shikamaru, Kiba, and Lee, and about his last shift in the mission room when he had seen Iruka actually throw a trouble-making jounin out on his ear. It felt like a normal day, but Sakura already felt lighter, like she was barely tethered to earth.

 

At the gate, Naruto hesitated for a minute, then darted forward and quickly hugged her. “Write every once in awhile so we know you’re alive, ok?”

 

She hugged him back, letting a smile spread across her face. “I will. I’ll see you later, Naruto. Please tell Yamato and Sai goodbye for me as well.”

 

Naruto smiled sadly, easily catching who she wasn’t mentioning. “I will. See you later, Sakura.”

 

She turned to face the road, took a deep breath, and began walking.

 

She didn’t look back.

~

 

She made her way south, through Tea country, eventually catching a ship to the Coral Islands. She had never been that far south, hadn’t even heard of any missions there, and there wasn’t a reason to not go there.

 

Sakura had always thought the ocean was beautiful.

 

When she ran low on funds, she worked as a traveling doctor, relying on bandages, stitches, and herbs far more than chakra. If there wasn’t work as a doctor, she took odd jobs cutting firewood or loading cargo. On the rare occasion there was a misunderstanding about her job on the ship, she made things very clear to the instigators of the incidents. They weren’t repeated.

 

The Coral Islands were beautiful and warm, much nicer than winter in Konoha. The oceans were full of colorful fish and pods of whales. Sakura spent almost an entire day at the ship’s railing, watching the enormous creatures breach to breathe and to play. She couldn’t help but laugh as she was hit by the spray.

 

She spent almost two months moving between the islands, walking the white-sand beaches and picking up the local dialects. She learned to weave baskets and fishing nets, chatting with civilian women who had only heard of shinobi in stories from the mainland, sleeping on the beach under the stars.

 

She still had nightmares, but when she woke up it was easier to remember where she was.

 

The peace was strange, and a balm on Sakura’s soul. She had forgotten how fun it was to learn something just for the sake of learning, how relaxed life could be when there wasn’t a goal for every moment of the day.

 

After some weeks, she left, taking another ship that was going to southern Wind country. She made her way from port town to port town, taking everything in.

 

Sakura was happy to see that the economy was improving, with goods coming in from most of the major countries. She made a note to tell Kakashi, but had no intention of writing yet.

 

For now, she was happier just moving and living day to day.

~

 

She was sitting on a rock at the beach with a cheap paperback she had gotten a couple of towns back when a shadow fell over her. When she looked up, it was at familiar turquoise eyes and red hair.

 

“Gaara-san,” she greeted, unable to keep the surprise out of her voice.

 

“Sakura-san,” he replied, apparently unaffected by her confused greeting.

 

She glanced down the beach. Sure enough, a couple of Suna-nin were loitering, keeping an eye on their kage. Bemusedly, she waved at them, and one young woman relaxed enough to wave back. She didn’t doubt there were more watchers she couldn’t see, but that was expected.

 

“I’m surprised to see you so far from Suna.”

 

“We are on route to the capital,” Gaara responded blankly. Sakura could read between the lines. This had something to do with the Wind Daimyo, and even though their countries were allies, that was all he was going to say. She accepted that with a graceful nod.

 

“I sensed your chakra.”

 

That explained why he was on this deserted little stretch of beach. Somewhat. Despite Gaara’s gratitude for her role in saving his life, and his work within the Shinobi Alliance, their friendship had only ever been in relation to Naruto.

 

...actually, that could explain why he was here as well. Knowing Naruto, he would have found some way to express his worries into a letter to Gaara without revealing any village secrets.

 

“How much farther is it to the capital?” she asked. She had never seen the Wind Country capital, and if she was honest she wasn’t sure if she was going to go there next, but she was curious.

 

“Two days travel.”

 

She hummed and nodded, unsure of where this conversation was supposed to go. Even as Kazekage, Gaara would probably never quite master the art of casual conversation.

 

To her surprise, Gaara set a basket next to her that she hadn’t noticed him carrying. It was small, and the smell of something delicious wafted out of it.

 

“It would be imprudent of me to be rude to an ally while visiting,” the young Kazekage stated by way of explanation, the faintest of blushes on his cheeks. “Temari once said that providing food is hospitable.”

 

Sakura couldn’t help but smile despite herself. “I don’t need it, Gaara, but I appreciate it. I’m just doing a little traveling right now myself.”

 

“I see.” Gaara glanced upwards at the sun. “I need to continue if I am to arrive at the capital on time. You should not spend so much time in the sun,” he added, pretending as though he wasn’t almost-fussing over her.

 

“I’m pretty well covered, and I know how to avoid sunburn and heatstroke,” Sakura replied, a little teasingly. “You get going, I’m going to finish my book.”

 

Gaara nodded. “It was good to see you, Sakura-san.”

 

“You too, Gaara-san. Take care.”

 

He and the rest of the Suna-nin were out of sight in minutes, and Sakura couldn’t stop herself from chuckling.

~

 

She made her way to northern Wind Country, then through the land of Birds and the land of Claws. Spring was coming, and there was something soothing about walking down paths of blooming flowers and unfurling leaves and not seeing another soul for days.

 

She stayed three weeks in a small farming town, learning about rice paddies and how to play mah-jong, patching up some of the more rambunctious children. One day, realizing it was in her way, she cut her hair, letting the long pink threads fly away on the wind.

 

Her birthday passed, quiet and unremarkable.

 

Spring slid into summer as she meandered her way through the Elemental Nations. Occasionally she saw other shinobi, going to or coming back from missions, but nobody seemed interested in following her or engaging her in a fight.

 

She was alone, and yet she didn’t feel lonely.

 

Every once in awhile, she took a lover, just for a few days. It was fun, to explore and learn in a way she’d never had a chance to, to fall in love for just a few days.

 

Still, she was careful. She wasn’t ready to be tied down anywhere yet, and she didn’t want to leave a broken heart behind her.

~

 

“Hmm.” Sakura considered her next move before sliding a shoji piece forward. Shikamaru quickly moved one in return.

 

It had been a surprise, to find him in a tiny trading town on the edge of the country of Bears. Apparently he had been sent on a diplomatic mission to Hoshigakure, which was ‘beyond troublesome.”

 

When he had seen her, he had just blinked, then asked if she wanted to get a meal. Sakura quickly realized that what he actually wanted was a game of shoji, one of the very few things that broke him out of his lazy-shell, even though he won against almost everyone.

 

She moved another piece, only to have it counteracted. Sakura couldn’t help but chuckle, resting her chin on her hand, then realized that Shikamaru’s intense gaze had shifted to her at some point. “What?”

 

He shrugged, taking a sip of his tea. “You look better.”

 

She returned the shrug. “I’m not having nightmares as often,” she admitted. There was no point in trying to lie or redirect Shikamaru. He might allow the conversation to go that way, but they would both know that he hadn’t been fooled.

 

“Not just that.”

 

Sakura closed her eyes, letting the sensations of the teahouse wash over her. The soft burble of conversation and boiling water, the smells of oolong and genmaicha, the soft light from the simple lamps. Even though it had been a blisteringly hot day outside, every table had people.

 

She opened her eyes again and looked at Shikamaru. “You’re looking good, too.” Beyond the physical, something about the way his clothes were put together was tugging at her thoughts. “What changed for you?”

 

To her amazement and glee, Shikamaru blushed slightly and rolled his eyes. “Temari moved in,” he muttered, but Sakura knew him well enough to tell that Shikamaru was having to work at being nonchalant. From Shikamaru it was practically a cheer of excitement.

 

“Congratulations,” was all she said, lifting her tea cup to her lips. Apparently that wasn’t enough to hide her smirk, because Shikamaru shot a dramatic glare at her.

 

“Ino keeps bringing up wedding flowers,” he grumbled.

 

Sakura’s eyebrows lifted. “Does Sai know?”

 

“Sai encourages it.”

 

Sakura snorted at that, and Shikamaru sighed dramatically, muttering something about ‘troublesome women’.

 

Sakura hesitated. Even with her promise, she had only sent messages twice to Konoha, longer letters for Kakashi about things she noticed, shorter ones for Naruto in particular and the rest of Team Seven in general. It was...strange, not to know everything that was happening in their lives.

 

(Maybe she should have sent a letter to her parents as well, but if she was honest, she had been all but estranged from them for years. Initially because she had persisted far beyond what anyone had expected from her as shinobi, more recently because they would not drop the topic of grandchildren. It had never seemed appropriate to bring it up, not when the rest of Team Seven had lost their families, but...it had still hurt.)

 

“How is Team Seven?” she finally asked.

 

Shikamaru sent her a look that clearly said ‘I was expecting you to ask that ages ago, don’t be so slow.’ She stuck her tongue out at him, startling a smile out of the jounin.

 

“They’re doing alright. Sai and Ino are disgusting. Yamato’s around sometimes, I think he’s been stalking Iruka-sensei.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because the Hokage has been making eyes at him.”

 

Sakura choked on her tea for a moment, eyes widening.

 

“...huh. I didn’t see that one coming.”

 

Shikamaru actually grinned, only slightly evil. “Hokage-sama could do better. Iruka-sensei knows that he’s been flirting and has been using it to make him do more work. So troublesome.”

 

Sakura cracked up at that, because that was a believable dynamic for Iruka and Kakashi. “I hope Yamato-san is ready to deal with Iruka-sensei’s pranks when he find out he's being stalked.”

 

“Indeed.” Shikarmaru’s humor evened out again as he looked down at the shoji board. “Naruto and Hinata have been…”

 

Sakura let him collect his thoughts, and Shikamaru sighed again. “They’re not fighting because neither of them like arguing. It’s annoying,” he finally stated, folding his hands together.

 

Sakura winced, her heart hurting for her friends. No matter her own thoughts on their relationship, she didn’t want Naruto or Hinata to be hurt. “Do you think they’ll be alright when things settle?”

 

“I think they’ll be friends once things settle,” Shikamaru stated neutrally. “Sasuke has been running missions and aiming for ANBU. He was...puzzled, after you left. Naruto stopped him from trying to follow and track you.”

 

Sakura made a note to herself to find more souvenirs for Naruto, because she clearly owed him one. Shikamaru was watching her closely, and Sakura wonders with some annoyance how much of Konoha thinks she left because of Sasuke.

 

(It wasn’t his fault, not really. Given how hard she had crushed on him and for how many years, she could even understand why he would assume she would still be interested. But it was one more assumption that had pissed her off.)

 

“Best of luck to him. He’ll do well in ANBU.” It was true. His skills, and his need to prove himself to Konoha again, would make Sasuke a fantastic ANBU. He had always been better at touching the darkness than she or Naruto had ever been.

 

( _Whether he should touch it again is another question_ , Sakura thought, but she knew she wasn’t close enough to the situation to even try to touch that issue.)

 

Apparently satisfied that he wasn’t going to have to have a talk with Sasuke when he returned to Konoha, Shikamaru bent back over the game as she made another move. He slid one of his pieces forward. “Checkmate.”

 

“Damn.” Sakura was smiling as she said it though, and couldn’t help but grin as Shikamaru reset the board. “Sure, Shikamaru, I’ll play another round, I’m so glad you asked.”

 

Shikamaru just muttered ‘troublesome’ before asking if she wanted more tea.

~

 

She made her way through the Land of Iron, watching as bright colors began to tint the land. At the border of Iron and Volcanoes, she spent eight weeks at an apple orchard, when she arrived two days before the owner’s daughter went into early labor. The baby was so small and light that Sakura did end up using chakra for the first time in months, repairing tiny, delicate lungs, but that was enough to stabilize the baby until he began to drink milk.

 

When she wasn't checking on the baby or the mother, Sakura climbed ladders and picked ripe apples, learning raunchy songs by day and ghost stories by night from the other workers. It was initially difficult to try and sleep in a room with five other women, but after a few restless night she began to find the soft breathing of the others calming.

 

When she left the orchard, she walked past fields of golden wheat and ripening corn, the smell of dust and late summer air heavy on her tongue.

 

As she traveled, she began to think on the topics that had always been so painful for her. The horrors of war still made her stomach clench, but it was harder for them to haunt her in peaceful villages and quiet roads.

 

After all, shinobi avoided those as much as possible.

 

While the weather was still nice, she decided to take a ship back east, to Snow country. It was already much colder there than it had been in the Land of Volcanoes, autumn truly coloring the countryside in vivid orange and reds.

 

The land of Snow was still recovering from the aftershocks of the war. Poverty was still apparent in some of the smaller towns, compared to the bountiful peace in the west. Even here though, Sakura could see signs that the land, and the people, were healing.

 

She realized that she was healing, too.

 

~

 

Sakura still felt bemused as the other woman closed the door. Of anyone she might have expected to see in a small town on the Snow country coast, it certainly wasn’t Hinata. Apparently she had been running a mission with Kiba and Shino, and they had split up with plans to meet in one week at the coast of Frost.

 

“It’s so good to see you, Sakura!” Hinata exclaimed quietly, a relieved smile on her face. Sakura smiled back as they embraced, before pulling back to really look at the Hyuuga.

 

Hinata looked good. Her long hair was pinned up in a bun on the back of her head, she had color in her cheeks, and her eyes were warm as she smiled.

 

“It’s good to see you, too, Hinata.”

 

The two of them peeled off their coats, soaking wet from a rainstorm, and Sakura began pulling out the scrolls and books she was carrying to make sure none of them had suffered water damage. Hinata sat down by the small brazier, tugging off her shoes and socks and wiggling her toes. “Ugh, I’ve been out in that for two days!” she complained cheerfully, rubbing her hands together.

 

Sakura ducked her head and grinned as she sat down next to Hinata. She had hunkered down in this town as soon as she had seen the storm rolling in, and she had no problem with admitting that fact. She had already traveled in the rain plenty!

 

The two of them were quiet for awhile. The silence wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t comfortable either.

 

Despite that, Sakura didn’t feel a rush to make conversation. They had time to talk, Hinata wasn’t going to be leaving until the next morning.

 

“How are you, Sakura?” Hinata asked softly, her eyes worried now. “You left so quickly.”

 

“I’m better,” she replied, looking down at the floorboards. “It’s been good to travel.”

 

Hinata nodded, seeming to accept that as she looked back at the hot coals, warming her hands. “Oh, by the way, Ino is engaged.”

 

“Sai asked her?!”

 

“No, she asked Sai. Apparently he was very surprised when he came home and found his apartment full of bouquets.”

 

Sakura outright cackled at that, and Hinata grinned as well. “The wedding isn’t until the end of next summer, just so you know.”

 

“Thanks for telling me,” Sakura replied easily, guilt coiling in her stomach. If she had been in Konoha, she would have known Ino’s plans, maybe she would have been able to help her plan the proposal, and she definitely could have teased Sai afterwards.

 

She was realistic enough to know that if she had stayed, that probably wasn’t what would have happened.

 

“I’ll have to find her a wedding gift before I come back,” she murmured, pushing away those darker thoughts.

 

“So you are coming back?”

 

Sakura blinked, looking back at the other woman, who was just watching her quietly. “Of course I want to come back!”

 

The Hyuuga smiled, relief spilling through again. “Naruto didn’t seem so sure when you left. I think Tsunade-sama tried to talk to him about it, but he still worries.” She shrugged. “Pretty much everyone else knows that you’ll come home at some point. I wanted to ask though.”

 

“Ah. I see.”

 

Sakura looked away again, this time at the brazier and the wisps of smoke rising from it. She was unsure how to ask her next question, remembering what Shikamaru had told her almost 4 months ago.

 

Finally, she decided to ask.

 

“How are you and Naruto?”

 

Hinata’s sad smile made Sakura’s heart twist. The other woman looked down, reaching up to start pulling out the pins in her hair.

 

“We ended things a couple of months ago,” she stated quietly, only a hint of sadness in her voice. “We were both rather unhappy by the end, so...it was the right decision.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Sakura said softly, not sure what else to say. As uncertain as she had been about their relationship, she wished she could have spared both of them the heartbreak.

 

(It hadn’t been jealousy that had made her skeptical. She loved Naruto, but at this point could only seem him as a brother and a teammate.

 

No, it had been the way they had rushed into it, and the way they had both worked almost too hard to make the other person happy.)

 

Hinata shook her head as she removed the last sharp pin, setting them in a little pile on the floor as she began finger-combing her hair. “Me too, but it’s better now.” Hinata’s eyes were still melancholic, but her smile was a little brighter. “It was very awkward for a couple of weeks afterwards, but we’ve been getting ramen once a week for the past month. I would have been much sadder to lose Naruto as my friend than to stop dating him.”

 

Sakura nodded, absorbing that. “Maybe you two can try again one day,” she offered tentatively.

 

Hinata laughed at that, making a waving gesture with her hands. “No, no, I don’t think so. I really am happy to just be friends, but it takes a little time, you know?” She went back to unknotting her hair, before an expression that Sakura had never seen on Hinata’s face appeared.

 

Sakura blinked. That was definitely Naruto’s fox-grin, the kind he wore when he had set up the best pranks and was just waiting for someone to walk into it.

 

“Plus, I think Naruto will be much happier when he clears his head and finally jumps Sasuke.”

 

Sakura yelped in shock and almost fell back. “What?!”

 

Hinata looked surprised. “You didn’t know? Even when we were together, I thought Naruto’s feelings for Sasuke were not quite platonic.”

 

Sakura hurriedly reviewed every interaction Sasuke and Naruto had ever had from the Academy to the formation of Team Seven to the war, analyzing them with this new information.

 

“Son of a bitch.” She absently pressed a hand to her forehead, absorbing this new idea. “That would explain so much. How the hell did I miss that?”

 

Hinata giggled madly, her cheeks bright pink as she covered her mouth. “Because Sasuke-kun broods and Naruto...is not the best at picking up hints?”

 

Sakura found herself giggling at that too. “You don’t have to tell me that. Did I ever tell you about the time with the cactus and the goat?”

 

The two women spent the rest of the evening talking, comfortably leaning against each other until they began to nod off on each other’s shoulders.

 

Later in the evening, when Sakura was getting back into bed after using the bathroom, she took the moment to look at Hinata, delicate features highlighted by moonlight and dark hair curling around her where she was on her sleeping mat.

 

_Not now_ , she thought, _but...maybe someday._

~

 

Once the weather cleared and Hinata had left for Frost, Sakura caught a ship to northern Lightning country. The northern coast was much greener than she would have expected, even at the height of autumn. She passed by herds of sheep, and when she stopped in a town for a few weeks, she began learning how to spin wool. It was surprisingly soothing, and she kept a small drop spindle in her pack, practicing spinning yarn on nights when she camped outside.

 

She stayed far away from Kumo.

 

One night while she was in a small fishing town, it began to snow, delicate crystalline flakes in the cold air. She remembered the last time she had thought about the winter sky, and marveled at how things could look so different.

 

She took another ship to Flower Island, and was amazed at the array of flora that grew on the island even in the winter, everything from vivid red hibiscus as large as her head to tiny ground flowers no larger than her pinky-nail. She learned herb-lore that she had never heard of, quietly making notes as elderly midwives shared their knowledge with her.

 

It reminded her of when she had first started learning under Tsunade, of seeing chakra charts and diagrams of the brain and sketches of muscles and realizing there was an entire new world to learn about.

 

That feeling rekindled in her chest, warm and comforting as she continued her travels.

~

 

_Well. This isn’t awkward at all._

 

Sakura very firmly shoved the snarky part of her brain into a corner, because she did not need that right now.

 

Sasuke stood across from her, looking stunned from where they had literally run into each other reaching for the basket of tomatoes. Apparently they had both hidden their chakra well enough to completely overlook each other.

 

It was almost funny.

 

He looked older, Sakura realized. Not old, just...mature. His hair had grown out and hung straight to his chin now, and he looked as though he had been eating three meals a day again (which was good, after the war he had been clinically underweight).

 

And he had gotten rid of the outfit that had shown off half of his chest, which was a relief, because Ino was right, he had just looked ridiculous in that. Naruto had never said anything...which on hindsight just made her want to smack herself again, because Hinata had been right, _it had been so obvious_.

 

With some effort, she recollected her thoughts to focus on the present, and realized that Sasuke was leaning away from her. His face was blank, to any passerby he would have looked entirely neutral, but she had enough experience with Uchiha-ese to know that he was nervous about something.

 

Since when had she made Sasuke nervous?

 

“Hello, Sasuke.”

 

It was inadequate, but at least it was a start.

 

Sasuke blinked, apparently surprised by how casual she was after not returning to Konoha for...had it already been over 10 months?

 

“Hello, Sakura,” he finally mumbled, his posture at parade-rest. She had the feeling that if he had been moving, he would have been fidgeting.

 

She nodded at the basket. “Why don’t you take the tomatoes? The zucchini looks pretty good as well, so I’ll get that instead.”

 

“...alright.”

 

They both made their purchases, Sakura watching Sasuke out of the corner of her eye the entire time. He was definitely nervous, and his glances at her were a lot more obvious than he would have ever allowed, usually.

 

She had avoided thinking about him other than in the general sense of Team Seven for months. Now, face-to-face, it was good to see that he seemed better. It was a balm for the occasional nightmares where he appeared, more insane and sadistic than he had ever been in real life.

 

“...Can I carry your bag?” Sasuke asked as she picked it up. Her eyebrow rose, surprised. Sasuke had changed while she had been gone.

 

“Thank you, but I think I’ve got it,” she replied, putting it over her shoulder. “Do you need to leave today?”

 

Sasuke hesitated, then shook his head. “I can’t leave for Kiri until tomorrow.”

 

He was definitely Not Fidgeting. She sighed and smiled a little sadly. “Sasuke, I’m not going to yell at you or punch you or whatever it is you’re worried I’m going to do.”

 

Sasuke’s spine stiffened, and Sakura snorted at the almost-offended look on his face. “We’re adults, Sasuke. We can talk about things.” She nodded towards the part of town she was staying in. “I’m staying near the beach. Are you at the Barnacle or the Sea Rose?”

 

“The Barnacle.”

 

“Ok, that’s not far from where I’m staying. Let’s walk together.”

 

Sasuke hesitated again, then nodded. Once, Sakura might have been annoyed that he was acting so unlike himself, but she had grown up.

 

They both had.

 

They walked side-by-side in silence for almost ten minutes before Sasuke spoke up.

 

“Have you been here the entire time?”

 

She blinked, surprised. “No, I’ve been traveling. I’ve only been on Flower Island for a couple of weeks. You didn’t see my reports?”

 

Sasuke looked away, unconsciously analyzing the streets for defense perches and ambush sites. “The archivist glared at me whenever I asked. So did Ino. And Kiba.”

 

Sakura bit back a sigh. She hadn’t meant for her leaving to affect anyone else, but on hindsight, she could see why people had drawn certain conclusions.

 

“I’ll tell them to stop that. I wasn’t sending any particularly sensitive information, everyone should have had access to it.”

 

Sasuke looked over at her, something like surprise and relief and worry all in his eyes. “You are coming back?”

 

She blinked and stopped walking so she could turn to look at him fully. “Of course. Konoha is my home. Maybe I wasn’t in the best state of mind when I left, but I never had any intention of not coming back.”

 

“...Will you come back now?” The _with me_ was so obvious that Sasuke didn’t need to say it.

 

For a moment, she considered it. Then she shook her head. “Not yet.”

 

A flash of hurt passed over Sasuke’s face, gone within a second. “Sakura, I…” He took a deep breath, seeming to struggle as he gathered his thoughts.

 

“I’m sorry that you felt like you needed to leave Konoha, and for the part my actions played in that.”

 

Sakura stared at him for a moment, then pressed her hand to her forehead and reminded herself that for Sasuke, this was progress. “Sasuke, I didn’t leave Konoha because of you. I swear, I said the same thing to Naruto and Shikamaru and Hinata. For fuck’s sake, not everything I do is related to you.” Her tone was level, but the frustration leaked in despite her efforts.

 

She took a deep breath and let go of her annoyance before looking back at Sasuke.

 

Now he definitely look hurt.

 

She shook her head. “That was uncalled for. I’m sorry. I hadn’t realized that I was so bothered by that.” She ran her free hand through her hair, pushing the fine pink strands out of her face. “I left Konoha because I was tired, Sasuke.”

 

He blinked and frowned, clearly confused. “Were you working too much at the hospital?”

 

“Not that kind of tired.” She clicked her tongue, trying to think of how to explain this best. “Everywhere I looked, I kept remembering the war. I had nightmares, I wasn’t eating right, and I was working too much so that I didn’t have to think about it. And I was tired of everyone thinking they knew exactly where my life was going.” She bit her lip and looked down, scuffing a toe in the dirt road. “I was forgetting who I am. I was Sakura-Tsunade’s-apprentice, or Sakura-Naruto’s-teammate, or Sakura-Kakashi’s-former-genin, or...well, Sakura-Sasuke’s-future-wife.” She held up a hand when he began to speak. “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. But I was forgetting who I was as just Sakura, and that’s why I left.”

 

Sasuke’s eyes had widened slightly, understanding passing over his face. “Like being Sasuke-the-last-Uchiha, or Sasuke-Itachi’s-brother, or Sasuke-Orochimaru’s-apprentice,” he responded quietly, surprise coloring his tone.

 

She nodded. Somehow, she wasn’t surprised that he understood what it was like, to be defined by everything except yourself.

 

He still looked surprised as he looked at her. “I didn’t know you felt like that.”

 

She shrugged. “I didn’t say, and you didn’t ask.”

 

Sasuke stilled, then exhaled slowly through his nose, as though he was preparing himself for something. “Is that why you don’t have feelings for me any more?”

 

Sakura’s eyebrow rose, and she crossed her arms. “What do you mean?”

 

Sasuke actually made a helpless gesture with his hands, confusion coloring his features. “You had a crush on me for years when we were kids. You had a crush on me when I was Orochimaru’s apprentice and did terrible things, when I was a missing-nin and did even worse things, and even when I fought Naruto. And then I came back to Konoha and I’ve been trying to be a Konoha-nin again and you stopped, and after everything I did then, what did I do wrong now?” He quickly cut himself off, but not before Sakura heard the genuine distress in his voice.

 

She hadn’t realized how differently they had been looking at the same situation.

 

After a moment, she nodded down the road so that they could keep walking. After a moment, he acquiesced, taking a step forward.

 

“It’s not what you did when you came back to Konoha, Sasuke,” she stated evenly. “It’s what you didn’t do and what you did at the same time.”

 

Sasuke almost tripped, but she continued, looking straight ahead. “You left me on a park bench, unconscious, right after an invasion by foreign shinobi. You tried to kill me, Naruto, Kakashi-sensei, and dozens of other Konoha-nin several times over, either actively or indirectly. You endangered Konoha, and you _weren’t there_ when Pain almost destroyed everything.” She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. She wasn’t angry anymore. Not really.

 

But she had been, for so long.

 

“I could live with all that. The war and everything else messed all of us up big time, and we all did terrible things, even to the people we cared about.”

 

“What I was angry about, Sasuke, was that you came back to Konoha and tried to act like none of it had ever happened. Maybe you didn’t mean to, but that was how it felt.” She blew a few strands of hair out of her face. “You tried to pick up as though we were Team Seven, and nothing had happened, and assumed I still felt the exact same way about you.”

 

Sasuke looked...thoughtful. Then he winced. “Oh. So the reason you broke my wrist when we were having dinner with Naruto and Hinata...was it because I told Naruto I was going to marry you?”

 

Sakura smiled wryly. Sasuke winced again. “Oh.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

They walked in silence again, before Sasuke cleared his throat. “Sakura? I’m sorry I tried to kill you multiple times during the war.”

 

Sakura huffed out a laugh, but reached over and pulled Sasuke into a brief side-hug. “Thank you. I'm sorry I broke your wrist at dinner.” She released him, and they kept walking, the silence lighter now.

 

“...Do you think it would ever be an option? Us?”

 

Sakura bit back a sigh. Well, he was asking. That meant a lot.

 

“Right now? I don’t see it.” She shrugged as his mouth twisted downwards. “Maybe in the future, but I don’t think it would be a healthy relationship for either of us right now.” She stopped. They were outside of the small hut she was renting while she stayed here, so she set the bag down on the tiny stoop and leaned back against the fence, enjoying the light breeze over her skin.

 

“Why are you so interested in me?” she asked lightly. It had puzzled her ever since Sasuke had started talking about that. “What changed?”

 

Sasuke leaned on the fence next to her, looking out towards the harbor. After a moment, he spoke.

 

“You always cared about me, and I want to reestablish my clan.”

 

Sakura’s eyebrow lifted again. She knew that Sasuke probably didn't see what was wrong with the statement, so she wouldn’t smack him.

 

“Sasuke, people change. You don't have to lock onto something from when we were kids, and you don't need to marry me to continue your line. Honestly, if you don't want to marry anyone, you don't have to, and you can still have children.”

 

He shook his head, something like panic coloring his features. “But everything is changing! Konoha isn't the same, half of the Uchiha complex is still leveled, and Sai is getting married, and Kakashi-sensei is Hokage, and Naruto keeps asking if I’m hungry, and Sarutobi is dead and Iruka-sensei doesn’t trust me and I just…” He cut himself off, visibly calming himself before he continued.

 

“I just wanted something that hadn’t changed,” he whispered, folding his hands together and squeezing them tightly.

 

Sakura was stunned. How long had Sasuke been bottling this up for? It explained so much...but that wasn’t a good reason for why he hadn’t said this to anyone.

 

Not that she could guarantee that he hadn’t. But she knew Sasuke well enough to guess that most likely, he had never tried to articulate that feeling to anyone else before.

 

She reached out and set a hand on his shoulder. He flinched, then relaxed, an embarrassed flush on his face.

 

“Yeah, change can be scary.” She moved her hand down his back, rubbing soothing circles. “I can understand why it would scare you. You can look away for a minute, and suddenly the whole world can be different.” Sakura looked forward again, giving him the illusion of privacy to think. “But sometimes, that can be a good thing too. I know I’ve changed, and honestly, I like who I am. I like what I’m capable of, and I love the people in my life. I know you’ve been through a lot during the war, and you’ve made a lot of bad decisions.” She watched as seagulls circled overhead, cawing and screeching.

 

“Take time to mourn. Take time to heal. Then you can look for the good side of everything changing.” She looked back at him, and realized that he was staring at her with amazed eyes.

 

“...You grew up.”

 

She laughed, taking her hand off his back as she leaned back and looked at the sky. “I couldn’t stay twelve forever. I was annoying.”

 

Sasuke released a soft huff of laughter, looking surprised at that, before looking out at the harbor. They stood in silence for the a few minutes before something Sasuke said filtered through her mind.

 

“Naruto keeps asking if you’re hungry?” she asked, suddenly puzzled. There was no way Sasuke could miss something as obvious as a date, could he?

 

Sasuke sighed, rolling his eyes. “He keeps asking if I want to get dinner, and he keeps looking at me when he thinks I don’t notice.” He crossed his arms and grunted. “I’m back at normal weight, he doesn’t need to keep worrying if I’m getting enough to eat.”

 

...right. This was Sasuke. He was a brilliant shinobi, a terrifying fighter, and had the social skills of a _chopstick_.

 

She shook her head and laughed, and Sasuke turned to her, clearly confused.

 

“Okay, come in, we’re going to have dinner and I’m going to explain why Naruto is definitely not asking if you’re getting enough to eat.”

~

 

Sasuke left for the Land of Water, still looking stunned even a full day after their conversation. Sakura laughed as she imagined what was going to happen when he got back to Konoha.

 

She left Flower Island for Nagi Island, and spent a week and a half touring around the thick jungles, collecting samples and pressing flat leaves into her books. She tried sketching the beautiful limestone cliffs, overgrown with vines, and could only laugh at her results.

 

From Nagi she went to the Land of Sea, and lived for a month on a floating village. She collected shells with the children, and learned to patch the rafts that kept the small village afloat.

 

Winter Solstice arrived, and despite all of the traditions and festivals she had seen, the simple feast and dancing of the floating village was her favorite. The food was simple, roasted fish and pieces of coconut sprinkled with vanilla as a treat, but it was one of the best things she had ever tasted.

 

She then took a ship to the southernmost tip of Tea, barely avoiding a storm at sea. She spent most of the voyage treating the other passengers for sea-sickness as the waves tossed the ship like a toy in a bathtub.

 

It wasn’t until she was in the town that she realized she had left Konoha over a year ago.

 

She realized how much she had changed since then. She realized that she was at peace.

 

And one night, sipping hot plum sake as rain beat a soft tempo on the roof, she had another realization.

 

_I want to go back_.

 

She paused, the cup halfway to the table, and realized that it was true. She wanted to walk familiar streets under the gaze of Hokage mountain. She wanted to go to her office and make her rounds, checking on patients. She wanted to congratulate Ino on her engagement, and tease Sai and Yamato, and have tea with Iruka-sensei, and see Hinata again.

 

She wanted to see Team Seven. Her family, the one that she would always have.

 

With a smile, she looked out at the road, and began planning her route.

~

 

Fourteen months, three weeks, and five days after she left, the outer walls of Konoha came into view. Sakura grinned, her pace quickening. It was twilight, and it was getting chilly, and she was so close.

 

At the gate, Izumo and Kotetsu both blinked and did a double-take, and Sakura wondered what they saw. She was wearing simple cargo pants and cloth shoes, a loose-tunic shirt, and a warm coat, her bag hanging from her shoulder, her hair braided back.

 

They allowed her through, and she re-entered Konoha. She pulled her hood up, not quite ready to announce herself yet, as she made her way towards the Mission building. She just wanted the time to take things in.

 

Everything seemed brighter now. Parents walked with babies and children, and shinobi meandered around the market. Old women haggled over the best cuts of meat and the ripest apples, and the weaponsmiths all insisted that their kunai were the best. The smell of Ichiraku Ramen and Yakiniku Q made her smile, nostalgic and warm. She passed familiar training grounds, empty at this time of day barring the occasional spar, and shops, bustling with colors and noise, and the Academy, dark and quiet as it waited for a new day. The warmth wrapped around her, like a blanket. It was so different from how she had remembered the village.

 

She knew that it wasn’t Konoha that had changed. It had been her.

 

She entered the mission room, the extended notes from her trip tucked in her hand as she pushed back her hood. The chunin at the desk seemed surprised, but accepted it without more than a ‘thank you.’

 

Bemused at how quiet everything was, she left the room. Before she had taken two steps out into the street, she heard a happy cry, and was suddenly lifted off her feet.

 

“Welcome home, Sakura!”

 

Sakura laughed as Naruto spun her around, hugging her tightly before setting her back down. The fierce grin she had so missed was back, eyes sparkling with joy. She realized that he had grown his hair out, and it was tied into a short braid, and he was wearing an orange shirt under his jounin vest, where it clashed horribly and yet was so...Naruto.

 

“It’s good to see you, Naruto!” she replied happily, before realizing he wasn’t alone.

 

Behind him stood Yamato, Sai, Sasuke, and Kakashi, all dressed casually. She was quickly swept up in hugs and ‘welcome home!’ and ‘you didn’t think we wouldn’t be here did you?!’s.

 

“You don’t have anything in your apartment, so we’re getting you dinner tonight,” Naruto announced dramatically, gesturing expansively down the street.

 

“Even if I don’t want ramen?” Sakura teased.

 

Naruto sighed dramatically. “I’ll never understand it, but we’ll go wherever you choose.”

 

Sakura laughed as Sasuke tugged Naruto out of his dramatic pose and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “You can have ramen tomorrow, dobe.”

 

“Like you don’t want her to pick the one noodle place with the tomato sauce, teme?”

 

She wasn’t sure how they managed to turn insults into what were practically pet-names, but then again, this was Naruto and Sasuke.

 

Sakura glanced away with a giggle to see Kakashi giving her a long-suffering look. Her eyebrow rose, and he gestured at them. “You couldn’t have sent a warning that this was going to happen?”

 

“Gotta keep you on your toes, sensei!” she responded, looping an arm through one of his and another through Sai’s as they walked down the street.

 

She noticed some citizens and shinobi looking at her, and knew they were talking. She didn’t care.

 

She was happy, and she was home.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
